the issue of weight

I am 5’3’ and weigh 119 lbs. Not bad for my age but, having hovered near 112 lbs for years, I got used to a happy, light, slim feeling. At 119 that sensation eludes me. I don’t perceive that now I am eating more than 7 lbs ago. It’s either that I am getting old and my metabolism slows down, or it’s the car. I bought my first car 17 months ago. I know, I know, I am a late-comer to more than one kind of machine.

It’s empowering to drive the car. It’s almost a sensual experience. Sometimes, with my hand loosely on the wheel, I feel sexy just sitting there. The problem is I don’t take the time to walk or bike to all the places I used to walk or bike to before. It’s so much more speedy and convenient to hop in the car. I have become Americanized. I am not moving around anymore. And people, yeah, we all know, were not designed to sit still.

It’s not that I want to run the marathon to lose weight, but I figured while I was at it the weight loss wouldn’t hurt. I could see myself lean and mean like a pleasure machine, and was convinced things would work out to that effect. I have never counted calories, and I don’t plan to start now. But exercising would do the trick. Exercising is healthy without being extreme. Obsessive talk sprinkled with terms like vegan, carbohydrate, macrobiotic, organic, caloric, yoga, tofu, supplements, abs, soy – it just bores me to death.

My self-image is a bit blurry. Still not sure if for the future I see myself bohemian as an artist, or wholesome as a runner. In the meantime, I eat too much, I drink too much, I smoke too much. I must be out of my mind to think about the marathon.