but whyyy?

This race has somehow demotivated me. I run at an improved pace now, because the race has taught me I can. But it's harder than ever to keep on running. First week I took it easy - ran less often, less far, not so fast. Now it's the second week, and I wake up with ennui: oh, running again. I step out to run, and it feels incongruous, as if I had better things to do. And then I run, and can't wait for it to be over. Wonder why this is.

It doesn't help, of curse, that since the race a dull pain dwells where my left leg joins the pelvis, not deep enough to be a hip injury, not close enough to the surface to be accessible to touch. Dwelling there, like a temptation to limp.

It doesn't help that my hard drive died two days ago, and the backup proved to be useless. I lived in dread and self-blame until the files could be restored. I am the luckiest girl in the world. But I am still a bit shaken - how fragile everything is, and how important it is to value something in order to preserve it.