from mile to marathon

The journey of a thousand leagues begins from beneath your feet.
Lao-Tzu

Saturday, December 22, 2007

not who I seem to be

It was exhilarating during the Tucson race to garner the applause due a Marathon Maniac. As early as the start line I thought of taking the masking T-shirt off, and move forward in the full splendour of it. But it was far too cold, too vain and impractical to do so. I waited until it was warm.

Mile six or seven, at the foothills of the Catalinas. The T-shirt crumbled in the dust, and suddenly, a golden stamp on my breast, I belonged. People waived, thrust their tumb up, applauded, cheered, praised, engaged, acknowledged. I felt like the member of a select club I had always aspired to belong to.

And I felt like an impostor.

How much of a Marathon Maniac am I, when I doubt I am going to even run next year? This season of marathon running has been a definite high point in my life - definitely a culmination of achievement, on a spiritual level even more so than on the physical one. But I cannot keep this rhythm up for any longer, and simply running for the sake of running is not who I am.

I am not a runner. I have what it takes to run a marathon or more - perseverence. I have what it takes to become a Marathon Maniac - an inclination toward the extreme.

But I do not find enjoyment in the sheer experience of running, and still have to filter out what I will keep and what I will renounce.

I have the remaining slothful days of this year to figure it out.

8 Comments:

At 8:12 AM, Blogger Stephen said...

How many times have I told myself the same thing!

I've watched you go from mile one to multi marathoner in just over a year! Pretty impressive, but maybe it was too much ..too fast! It's easy to get burned out.

Perhaps you should slow down a little, do another race later next year and see how you feel then.

Happy Holiday!

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Backofpack said...

You felt like you belonged to a select club, because you do! You did the hard work, you achieved the standard and you are a Maniac. There are many who go that far and no farther - it belongs to each of us individually, that decision, how many, how often, or ever again? I question it myself. I'll be running this year, but not quite so many. And someday, it will be my last one, and that's okay too. No worries.

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger robtherunner said...

I felt that way when I first became a maniac...that I was not worthy, but I soon found out that it was in my heart. If you do not love running I am not sure what advice to give. I think you have to decide for yourself. Good luck!

 
At 4:15 AM, Blogger RunBubbaRun said...

Running for the sake of running will always lead to burnout. Take sometime and maybe the spark will come back.

Never question your achivements, you became a "maniac" for a reason.

Hopefully setting a different goal will get you running again. The "stars" will soon follow.

 
At 8:22 AM, Blogger Black Knight said...

Congrats for your marathons. You are a real and good runner. Enjoy these moments and make experience for the next races.

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

I hope you find what you need to enjoy running or find something else that you enjoy.

But either way, you *are* a Marathon Maniac.

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Lora said...

I'm going thru a similar situation. Except I love running...just not sure I want to continue in the manner I am currently involved.

All I know for sure is that I'm going thru something and will come out the other end with more clarity. And so I keep putting one foot in front of the other.....enjoying the journey.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Annette said...

You've earned it, baby! Regardless of what the future holds. I do hope you don't give up running completely. Sometimes when we back down from all the goals and training it is possible to just enjoy a run. But, whatever you decide - you accomplished amazing things this year. Congratulations!

 

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