ambivalence again

For a day or so after the triathlon I didn't think of what was coming next - I was happy about what I had done. Then it seemed natural to do another one. There is this unfinished business of learning how to swim freestyle. I would get that out of the way and do another triathlon. There is one at the end of this month, same distance, same course, now I have "experience" and it would be easier to handle. There is a reverse mini-triathlon, practically in town, this coming week-end, this one with just a quarter mile swim in a pool, no big deal after I did a half mile in the lake. I would do them both.

Then, after another few days, I suddenly lost interest. Same distance, same course became more of a deterrent than an enticement. It didn't seem to make sense to do another race unless I really learned how to swim freestyle, and that didn't happen. I was still going to the pool, making some progress, but not enough by far to show up at the start line of another tri. Now I wonder how I had the guts to do a triathlon in the first place, knowing only breaststroke - it seems somehow I went there not knowing how to swim... Of course I can swim, but what was I thinking?

I am still going to the pool to learn freestyle, only once or twice a week, instead of three. I am still practicing the transition from bike to run, without much conviction. Not sure why, since triathlons are out of the picture for the foreseeable future.

Strangely, after the race I kind of lost interest in running too. It was difficult again to motivate myself. I didn't know anymore what I wanted to do. I felt, as I did during the triathlon, that I am too much of an amateur. Perhaps it would be smart to go back to other pursuits - after all, I am the indoor-type of girl. Give me art and books.

Then, one Sunday while running, not sure whether I would run five miles or ten, I made up my mind. I ended up running eleven.