pushing again

I woke up yesterday to the prattle of rain on the flat roof. First I was about to ask why it had to rain precisely when I planned a long run outside, but by the time I was outside I did not mind anymore. I ran through the light and intermittent drizzle, wishing it were denser – it was cool but not cold, the clouds were luminous, and it seemed exciting to run with the rain.

The Sunday prior, when I barely finished two loops around Academy, I told myself that next time I would do three, even with the backache, no matter how often I would have to walk, no matter how long it would take. And so I did. I never once interfered with my body when it decided to walk.

I always feel it would be best if the running were over, preferably now, so I do not know if yesterday’s walking breaks were due to subsequent indulgence, or oxygen deprivation, or pain. The pain has shrunk in strength and scope but lingers – a dull sheath packed around my sacrum, like an alternate center of gravity. It’s been three weeks now, and I do not even remember anymore how it is, to run without pain.

But I went three times around Academy, just shy of ten miles, in a bit over two hours, and my mileage is again greater than the week before, when it was greater then the week prior, and so on. I am not only hanging on, I am advancing again.